I am disconnected and just a smidge loopy

augusti 30, 2018

End of August, I itch.
I itch to become, something, anything.
I feel stale and dusty. I have been stuck in the same place far too long.
And while its simple to think that it is a physical place that's been holding me back, its not. That place is my head, my mindset, my disposition, my...whatever.
My mind is backwater, my body waterlogged in it, desperate to be swept away by a current that doesn't exist.


Yet, I still live.
And when I take a step back and look at my life, I see that it is brimming with potential.
I am not tied down by anything.
I have any and all opportunity to do whatever the fuck.
But it's the whatever that nags at me - it could be anything. I don't have the faintest idea where to start.

Whatever perhaps best describes it all.
I feel like a great unimposing, uniteresting, inspid whatever. 
Oh wait, I know exactly -
- like this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 


I lie awake at night and I dream of a different life - a shimmering life.
Where I'm bright and burning.
Where I am sunshine. 
I have to tell myself to stop fantasizing for fear of becoming trapped in that dreamworld. 



So back to city I go. Perhaps I won't arrive anywhere. Perhaps I will retreat.
But I have a glimmer of hope, a golden thread, that I will become and I will achieve.

Time will tell, I suppose.
Or no, my discipline and hard work and practice will tell.
Yeah that's it. 






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